


Please Forgive Me

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-27
Updated: 2006-03-27
Packaged: 2019-02-02 07:36:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12722349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel reacted badly to Jack now he has to convince him that he was wrong. Can he make things right?





	Please Forgive Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

Daniel's mind reeled as the events of the last few minutes played through his head in a never ending loop, each replay just as shocking as the last. He shook off the paralysing air of detachment as the implications began to weave their insidious way into his conscience. Trying to rationalise things turned out to be impossible when he was still unable to process the facts. Starting at the beginning and carefully examining everything that had happened he eventually managed to identify the most salient points, first and foremost was the fact that Jack had kissed him. Jack had kissed him and in no way could it possibly be passed off as a platonic kiss. As the memory returned full force along with the accompanying emotions Daniel's found it difficult to breathe. A second later when he remembered Jack's admission of love his breath caught altogether. Using the few single cells still capable of thought Daniel managed to make the connection, Jack had kissed him because he loved him, more than that Jack was in love with him.

Before Daniel even had time to start registering the deep sense of elation that was building, a devastating moment of recall destroyed it. Jack hadn't just fallen in love with him recently in some fairytale answer to Daniel's most desperate wishes. Jack had loved him from the beginning of everything, from before Daniel had realised there was a beginning. For a moment he felt a shadowy trace of the shocking rage that had possessed him when Jack had first revealed the truth. Before even a second had passed the trace of rage had disappeared under a wave of shame. Daniel thought on all the harsh words and accusations he had thrown at his friend, in his fury he had spared him nothing. He blanched as he recalled the final climatic moment as his rage spiralled out of his control and caused him to physically strike the one person he cared for most. He found himself wanting to deny the reality of that fact, but knew that was impossible. He had finally been offered everything he had ever wanted, the answer to every painful yearning and the ecstatic completion of his soul, and he had acted with resentment.

Please forgive me  
If I act a little strange  
For I know not what I do.

Instead of every hopeful joy that might be found he had thought only of every possible pleasure missed. When he held the key to the future in his hand he had ignored it instead choosing to rail and condemn the past. Always quick to deny possible happiness before it could deny him Daniel recognised this as a whole new level of self-destruction even for him. Suddenly overwhelmed by his own shame and guilt he focused his vision and turned his attention on the person who had elicited such powerful feelings in him. His eyes came to rest on the silent figure resting despondently on the floor in front of his office door. His head bowed against his raised knees Jack radiated despair, the confidence and magnetism that normally filled the room was gone. Jack was always strong, always proud and defiant even in the face of certain death, but here in this innocuous office he looked defeated. Only whispered shallow breaths broke his silence, the realisation that he was responsible choked a shocked gasp from Daniel's lips. 

The startled noise had caught Jack's attention and he lifted his head, carefully keeping his eyes averted slightly so that he didn't have to meet Daniel's gaze. Even so Daniel could see the misery and guilt etched into the tight drawn line of his mouth and marring the skin around dark pain misted eyes. There would be no tears falling though, not where anyone would see them, they would fall on the inside along with the all the others that only Daniel had ever been aware of. It was a perverse kind of comfort to Daniel that only he was aware of how deeply Jack could feel, to everyone else he was hardened military steel. The capacity of the heart that the steel protected was boundless, as Daniel had learned over the years. He had depended on that love since the first day back on Earth, and it had been love, whatever form it had taken. 

Jack had loved him from the start and Daniel had known it, only the label they had given it was wrong and it occurred to Daniel that maybe the name wasn't the most important thing after all. When someone spent their days by your side and risked their life for you, valued your life more highly than they ever would their own did it make any difference what they called that love. When they held you when you cried and were your strength when you were weak was that something less. When they sacrificed their own happiness in the hope you would find yours what else could that possibly be. The truth was Jack had loved him more completely than Daniel had even known was possible, even without the physical aspect. The feel of Jack's kiss still burning on his lips made it clear that Jack had wanted that part of love as well, and it was up to Daniel to make sure they both got what they so desperately wanted. With a new calmness Daniel looked again at the man at his feet, this time the anger was gone and only the exquisite intensity of love vibrated through his heart and his mind.

Feels like lightning running through my veins  
Every time I look at you  
Every time I look at you

Daniel knew what he wanted and it seemed by some miracle of fate that Jack wanted the same thing, and it certainly wasn't this painful tangle of anguish they'd made for themselves. He had to find a way through this, to make Jack realise there was still something worth saving. Unable in his vast vocabulary to find the perfect words, each possibility falling woefully short of his intentions, he went with his feelings and the one word that encompassed everything. A single name escaped in a loving breath, so full of emotions and possibilities it remained alive in the air between them.

At the sound of his name, Jack had automatically lifted his eyes towards Daniel, the normally expressive brown eyes held none of their usual vibrancy. Daniel felt his heart cry out in dismay as he looked into the endless depths and saw only self-loathing and despair. All the words he'd only half heard in his anger now returned clear and insistent, the reasons Jack had given for not telling Daniel how he felt. The painful words his friend had confessed, his sincere belief that he was not good enough for Daniel and his hope that by depriving himself Daniel would find happiness.

Daniel remembered now the words that had been painfully uttered into the silence between them, words of failure and self-hatred. Could this wonderful strong compassionate man really feel this way about himself, be so unaware of the respect and affection he engendered in so many people? Daniel felt his emotions flail again as more words of desolate pain came to mind. Jack had spoke of the darkness he saw in himself, believing it to be some kind of taint that threatened those he loved and kept him separate. What he perceived as a weakness in himself was his inability to keep the darkness from Daniel's life.

Daniel clenched his fists in disbelief, in all the darkness and pain that had entered his life over the previous years Jack had been his one constant source of light. The one who had made him feel safe and helped him keep his sanity. Nothing that had ever caused Daniel pain had been Jack's fault and yet he heard the guilt for each supposed failure in the words that had been painfully revealed. How could he make Jack understand? What could he possibly say that would convey everything he saw and felt when he looked at Jack? Feeling that none of impressive words would be adequate he could again only reverently whisper the much-loved name.

Help me out here  
All my words are falling short  
And there's so much I want to say

This time something else flickered across the copper flecked surface of Jack's eyes as he heard the sound of his own name again. Some fleeting ghost, a flame that Daniel thought looked very much like hope. It was a place to start and Daniel was nothing if not persistent, he could even admit to stubborn if he was honest with himself. This was the most important thing he had ever done; he had to make Jack see the truth, the truth of himself and his own incalculable worth and the truth of them together. The irony struck him hard as he thought how barely an hour earlier he had been struggling to find a reason why Jack would think he himself was worth loving. He had never been short on reasons why he loved Jack, now all he had to do was explain those reasons convincingly.

The first thing he successfully managed to articulate were words of apology, uttered with heartfelt sincerity and regret. He watched closely as Jack processed what he was hearing, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry when the hope flared again briefly only to be replaced with disbelief and confusion. When he saw Jack about to speak he quickly forestalled with more words of his own. Seeing the confusion growing into a fully-fledged frown he realised he'd have to work his way up to the life altering declarations slowly.

He started back in the arid sands of Abydos, where the connection between them had first been forged. Moving next to his painful displacement and isolation as he was forced by circumstances to return to earth. He made clear the significance of Jack's continued support throughout the transition from husband and scholar to widower and soldier. He spoke lovingly of friendship and laughter, of good-natured arguments and affectionate teasing. He paused for breath and saw that the confusion was slowly turning into something else, something more akin to wonder. He shared his own moment of revelation, reminding Jack of the risk to his own life to save Daniel from his own hypnotic fervour at Heliopolis.

He continued on cataloguing everything Jack had ever done for him, all the trust, all the faith and each and every time Jack had saved not only his life but also his sanity. Steeling himself against the painful memory he talked about his Ascension. He saw the look of grief in Jack's eyes as he spoke and tried to allay it with words of utmost pride and gratitude. The stunned look this earned him almost made him smile. Never once breaking eye contact, he gave himself over to his emotions as he finally told of the overwhelming love he felt. He was filled with a sense of peace when he saw the beautiful dark eyes locked with his were now alive and reflecting the same emotion back at him. 

I want to tell you just how good it feels  
When you look at me that way  
When you look at me that way

Daniel had finally run out of words, but he barely noticed as he was completely captivated by the warm loving gaze currently directed at him. Finally the sound of Jack's voice brought him back to reality, reality it seemed was now words of love from Jack. Even as he let the words surround and suffuse him, he repeated similar of his own. He forced himself to step forward reaching out a trembling hand to Jack who was still sitting on the floor. A second felt like forever as he waited and only when he felt strong fingers clasped round his hand did he feel himself breathe. Smiling now he pulled Jack to his feet so that they were standing face to face, he was rewarded when a small smile played across the handsome face.

Although content just to stand there and revel in the exhilaration of the moment it would not be long before another more mundane reality crashed in on them. Daniel wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen now and Jack seemed to have no inclination to clarify things either. That they loved each other was now beyond reproach but what would the consequences and effects of their love mean for them both. A sudden fear that regulations and duty would cost them both this chance at happiness chilled Daniel's blood. The thought that they had come to this point and would be unable to take the final step without destroying everything they had fought so long and hard for was a painful ache. As much as their own obdurate stubbornness had been the main obstacle there were plenty other complicated issues to be addressed.

The decisions they made and the actions they took from now on would affect every aspect of their lives, and by extension every life they were connected to. Since they travelled the galaxy on an almost daily basis the potential ramifications were immense. How would their team-mates, the two people as close to either man as the family they had lost, react to this development? He trusted these people with his life and never once had a single doubt crossed his mind; surely it would be safe to trust them with their hearts. Thinking of the other people he worked with and respected he was saddened by the thought that disgust and revulsion would undoubtedly appear on at least some of the faces he had once named friend. 

The closed military world they lived and worked in could not be trusted nor even told, although Daniel was supposedly immune they could and would strip Jack of everything he was. Daniel amended his last thought, not everything he was, the Air force may be a part of Jack but it certainly wasn't his entirety. Daniel's job was safe but he knew without a moment's hesitation he would never stay without Jack. They had gone through the gate that first time together and although there had been occasions when they had made separate trips, when the journey ended for one it would end for them both. 

Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow  
Moving out across the bay

Daniel wasn't sure whether to be comforted or concerned that Jack would have been asking the exact same questions. Looking up he took in the blinding smile and realised as far as Jack was concerned all threats had been assessed and deemed acceptable. Daniel let the light of that wide easy grin slide over him reducing all his fears to irrelevant wonderings. Lifting his sight further, his gaze connected with eyes that shone with love and beckoned with the promise of ecstatic revelations. Dark warm eyes held him immobile on the edge of a deep abyss, his instinctive longing overcame any resistance and in the blink of an eye Daniel let himself fall.

It seemed that Jack had caught him after all, with no memory of moving he was now so close to Jack the space between them was barely visible. Strong hands rested on his waist, his own hands reaching out to touch, demanding some sort of proof of the moment. He looked only at his hands as he straightened work-roughened fingers; he held his hands flat, his palms just above the broad chest before him. Holding his breath and ignoring the trembling, he slowly and with infinite reverence pressed his palms against the soft cotton of Jack's t-shirt. As soon as he connected he felt a rush of heat against his skin, drawing his hands back in wonder he waited barely a second before he reached out again. The touch was less hesitant this time but the feeling was even more overwhelming. He slid his palm over Jack's heart and felt the powerful beat; its rhythm was working its way through Daniel's insides awakening every nerve he had. His whole body felt alive and in tune with Jack's, he felt completely connected to another person for the first time in his life and it felt wonderful.

Afraid to break the connection he left one hand where it was but desperate to feel more he reached up with his other and trailed one gentle finger along Jack's shoulder and up the side of his neck. His finger felt like it was stroking fire and a quiet moan and the tightening of the hands on his waist from Jack indicated he was enjoying the burn. He ran his finger tenderly over the face he knew so well by sight, learning it now by touch and sensation. Giving his wonder free reign he touched the familiar scar, feeling relief that it had narrowly missed the eyes he adored. He traced the tip of his slender finger along the proud jaw line, feeling the masculinity against his finger and finding only satisfaction in the thought. 

When that was not enough he let his finger skim over the slightly bristle roughened skin and shivered when the sensation changed abruptly to the soft smoothness of a sensual mouth. He drew his finger slowly along the lower lip and gasped when Jack dipped his head and flicked the warm wetness of his tongue against the tip. Daniel was amazed at the sensations this simple act was eliciting inside him and again stroked his finger against the smooth skin, this time Jack gently nipped the tip between his teeth forcing a breathless gasp from Daniel. He watched intently as Jack smiled slightly then sucked his finger into the deep warmth of his mouth, his tongue gently stroking as his teeth scraped against the skin. As Jack worked his way along each and every finger Daniel felt his reaction becoming more intense, he tightened his other hand grasping the material of Jack's t-shirt tightly. He was aware of Jack's own hands moving from his waist, the slight momentary loss was forgotten as he felt a possessive touch against his back pulling him closer.

Like a stone I fall into your eyes  
Deep into some mystery  
Deep into that mystery

Pressed so close together now there were no definable boundaries, Daniel could feel the hard intensity of Jack's own reaction. Stunned by the thought that they had created this much heat without so much as a kiss, Daniel lost all hope of keeping his restraint. In a moment of perfect synchronicity both men moved at the same time, meeting each other in a perfect world-shattering kiss. As first their lips brushed gently in a mere promise of touch, sending shivers racing through both of them. Then as the force of deeper needs made itself apparent, they met again with hot mouths and the taste of hard passion. Lips tasted and teased as tongues tangled in the sublime heat of mutual welcoming desire.

Refusing to pull back more than a fraction even to breathe, Daniel pressed his hand against the side of Jack's face tracing one finger gently round the edge of his ear before twining his fingers into soft silver hair. Jack had moved both hands up to carefully hold Daniel's head, his thumbs brushing tender touches along Daniel's cheekbones while his long fingers teased the hair at the nape of his neck. Jack slowly drew his tongue along the length of Daniel's lower lip, causing a moan that quickly intensified when Jack nipped with his teeth before gently sucking on the already sensitised lip.

Dazed and disorientated for a minute Daniel quickly retaliated in kind, enjoying the erotic feel of Jack's mouth against his tongue. Placing a gentle kiss on his lips, Daniel continued to use his tongue and licked and tasted his way along Jack's jaw line. When he got closer to Jack's ear he felt a shiver run through the body against him with each breath he took. He alternated licking and gently sucking on the earlobe with running his tongue up and around the hard edge of Jack's ear, all the while tracing his thumb round the other ear. He recognised the powerful effect this was having on Jack as he heard soft growling coming from the object of his attention.

He was soon making soft sounds of his own as Jack lowered his mouth to Daniel's exposed neck. Firm but gentle kisses left his skin tingling, and when Jack scraped on fingernail over the newly kissed area the sensation was exquisite. When instead of giving Daniel a chance to recover he immediately flicked his wet tongue over the previously stimulated skin Daniel cried out, the vibrations of his exclamation so close to Jack's ear causing a similar reaction in the other man. He felt a groan escape from Jack, feeling it against his neck where he was continuing to torment Daniel with indescribable sensations. When Jack dragged his teeth along the tendon on Daniel's neck before lowering his mouth and sucking wickedly, it was too much for Daniel and he lowered his head to Jack's shoulder grateful for the support. 

I got half a mind to scream out loud  
I got half a mind to die  
So I won't ever have to lose you 

When the sensual assault continued Daniel felt himself losing control and didn't even care, pressing suddenly with his body he forced them both against the door. He wanted more, he wanted everything and if his mind wasn't sure of the logistics his body was having no problems. Releasing his tight grasp on Jack's t-shirt he slid his hand down over the flat stomach feeling the hard muscle tensing at his touch. As he pulled the material free from the waistband of Jack's trousers, Daniel felt him take a sharp intake of breath. The same breath was released in a shocked gasp as Daniel's hand finally connected with the skin on Jack's stomach, causing hot sparks of sensation as he slid his hand up and over Jack's chest. Daniel let his fingers twist through the smooth wiry hair before he moved on enjoying the feel of the hard nub under his teasing fingers.

He watched Jack tilt his head back against the door, his eyes closed and a look of ecstasy on his face. The long sleek neck bared to him was too much of an invitation and Daniel quickly dipped his head and licked his tongue up the delectable arc, the sweat slicked skin tasted like heaven. A long low growl was the only warning he got as Jack tightened his grip and turned him so that Daniel was now against the door, with the movement Daniel discovered he had also changed direction and was now facing the door with Jack behind him. As Jack pressed close against him Daniel revelled in the unfamiliar strength, memorising the hard powerful body and the new and arousing sensations it caused to flood through him. They were so close together that it felt like they were sharing breath the energy and intensity quickly becoming more than either of them would be able to contain.

He felt Jack moving slightly and hot breath was suddenly tickling the nape of his neck, sending sparks of pure electricity running up and down his spine. Placing his palms against the door for support he rested his head as well making it easier for Jack to access the back of his neck. He felt his breathing speeding up as Jack kissed and nuzzled Daniel's favourite sensitive spot, he was so caught up in the effect the kissing was having he almost missed Jack pulling his t-shirt free. Powerful hands stroked across his skin, smoothing over his stomach and chest in an echo of his own earlier explorations. While one had tweaked and teased over and around his hardened nipple the other made its way down Daniel's side roaming up and down before coming to rest on his hipbone. Daniel felt himself pulled back tightly against Jack, the hand on his hip and the other across his chest holding him close.

His body fitted against Jack like it had been specially designed for this, and he leaned back even as Jack pressed forward. Everything else paled in comparison as Jack's hard arousal pressed tight against him, Daniel tilted his hips slightly and was answered by more pressure and a tight groan from Jack. The hand holding him across the chest slid down his body and opened up his trousers, Daniel held his breath as Jack's hand teased along the top of his shorts. Looking down he saw Jack reach inside his shorts and begin to tentatively stroke him. He had to squeeze his eyes shut before the erotic sight proved too much, seconds later he forced them open as Jack's touch became more confident and more insistent.

The sensation was overwhelming and Daniel gave himself over to it shifting between the tight grip of Jack's hand and the hard pressure behind him. Feeling the familiar tightening Daniel leaned his head back against Jack's shoulder who immediately twisted his head slightly and captured his mouth in a bruising kiss. His groan as he felt himself come was lost in the sweet warm taste of Jack's mouth barely a second before he felt Jack stiffen against him before relaxing completely. The feeling of complete satiation and satisfaction left a warm glow through his body, he didn't intend to ever lose that feeling.

Won't ever have to say goodbye  
I won't ever have to lie  
Won't ever have to say goodbye

Daniel gave them both a chance to catch their breath before he turned round, it never occurred to him to worry about what he'd see, no one could possible regret something so right. He was still trying to slow his rapid breathing when he felt a hand on his shoulder gently pulling him round. The look of wonder and awe he saw on Jack's face was probably nothing compared to the one he knew himself to be wearing. Jack placed a hand against his cheek and Daniel leaned into it, relishing the new intimacy of even this simple gesture. He leaned forward and kissed Jack who returned the gesture by kissing him back, as Daniel pulled back to take a breath he was astounded by the simple happiness he saw in his lovers face.

His lover? Daniel sounded the word again and again letting it play over in his mind like a caress. He saw the questioning look appear on Jack's face and smiled in reassurance, a heartfelt smile of sincerity that brought an answering grin to Jack's face. As they looked themselves over the smiles turned to laughter, Jack having the presence of mind to look abashed at the embarrassing state of his clothes. Daniel's were slightly better having at least been opened and he tried to give Jack a look of contrition, managing only to look slightly smug instead.

Please forgive me  
If I act a little strange  
For I know not what I do

As they dealt with the practicalities of spontaneous sex in a military office Daniel had to smile at their situation, it wasn't romantic, it wasn't a sunset beach or a four poster bed but it was theirs and it was honest. He didn't care how things were supposed to be, Jack was his now, heart soul and body and that was every dream Daniel had ever had. Looking over at Jack he felt his heart skip slightly, emotionally he had never felt happier in spite of the fact his body felt like it had fragmented completely and was only staying together through sheer determination. He hoped they could do it all again in the very near future, they were still supposed to be on downtime till tomorrow after all. It occurred to Daniel that he was sticky and messy and it should feel somehow sordid or sleazy but it wasn't, as far as Daniel was concerned it was absolute perfection. 

It's like my head is filled with lightning   
Every time I look at you

The End


End file.
